You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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