i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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