Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize