i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
