Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
