Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
