Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
farters have to be the big spoon...
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
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As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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