they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
