In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is Oprah even human
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
