if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
