apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
