how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
