You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
