If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
