You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
