I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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