it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
