this boner is exhausting
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So much rum. So many feels.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
