"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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