Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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