Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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