did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
