maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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