he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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