we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
