Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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