Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
