Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
