I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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