I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize