If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
