Buhtt sex?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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