i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
All the doctor said was why
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
