trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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