hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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