your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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