dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
