I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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