He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
