I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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