someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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