everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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