dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
