I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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