Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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