Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
only you would photoshop your dick
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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