I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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