if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
