Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
