Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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