Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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