We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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