I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
