Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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