Even the bartender felt bad for me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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