can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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