Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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