Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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