Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
