i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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