My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
