ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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