I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
His nipple licking is glorious
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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