pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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