the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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