He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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