Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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