My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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