They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
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He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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