i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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