Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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